Tea with Jules with Relationships Expert, John Aiken
Ok, confession…I’ve been married for almost 9 years (in May!), I dated my husband for 8 years before we got married and knew him for 6 years before we dated. Phew! When you put it in writing, that’s a really long time! So, the concept for a TV show where people tie the knot upon meeting for the very first time, was a lot for me to get my head around! I couldn’t believe people were doing it, but alas, once I started watching Married at First Sight, I was hooked!
It wasn’t just watching the couples navigate their way through relationships that I was interested in, but also the advice of the Relationships Experts who had matched the love birds together. According to them, there is a science and some definite formulas to making relationships work and I wanted to know more. So, I asked John Aiken, Relationships Expert and one of the three experts on the show, to join me for a cup of tea and share some stories from the show, and also to give you guys (ok, and me!) some solid relationship advice that we could use in our own lives. The result?! Some pretty amazing tips and I can’t wait for you to hear them.
Probably my favourite piece of advice from John, is:
Do little things daily and often.
It’s not about the grand gestures, it’s about being consistent, thoughtful and doing small things to show your partner you care on a daily basis. Seems so simple right?!
I’ve included below a few of the nuggets of golden goodness that John shared with me throughout the interview too. It’s all such good advice I wanted to make sure you caught it! If you scroll right to the end, you will find the full interview on Tea with Jules, with John with all the really fun stuff. If you haven’t already subscribed to the show, make sure you do so you don’t miss out on more inspiring interviews. I love making this show for you!
Ok, here’s your relationship advice from John:
Listen, don’t fix
At the end of every day, do a daily debrief and ask your partner how their day was. It builds that sense of a real team. It’s absolutely vital that the listener emphasises with their partner and sides with them, but never tries to fix. So don’t offer a solution or advice – just be in their corner.
Bring up issues softly – The way you start a conversation is often how it’s going to go. So if you bring up the conversation with, “Why do you always’, ‘you never’ and so on, your partner will get on the defensive and the conversation won’t end well. Bring issues up softly.
Say hellos & goodbyes – Hellos and goodbyes are really important, so before you leave home in the morning make sure to kiss you partner goodbye, and when you come home, rather than going straight to the dog, cat or children, go straight to your partner and kiss them.
Saturate your relationship – Saturate your relationship with five positive interactions to one negative, so things like compliments, praise, gratitude, doing the errands, unloading the dishwasher etc. If you do five of those it saturates the relationship and you start getting this positive perspective and everything seems really rosy.
Prioritise sex – It’s important to prioritise having sex. Once a week, that’s the sweet spot. Sex is another way of connecting with your partner, and it’s a way of saying that what you have together is something special.
Rein in your technology – If your partner wants your attention, make sure to respond – don’t tap away on your smartphone. Ignoring your partner will wind them up, so if this means spending less time on technology, so be it.
Put your partner before your kids – Kids catch stress, so if a couple is really good, strong and chilled, their kids are chilled. When we are resenting each other and when we are not connecting, kids are going to pick up on that and they’re going to play up. So I always think, I’m going to prioritise my wife over my kids. Some people may not like that, but I think if you get the relationship right, the kids will fall into line.
Here is the full interview with John and all the fun, hope you love.
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